A Year in Review

2007 has come and gone, and like all the years before it and the years to come, its had its ups and downs. My thoughts are all over the place now but I decided it was important for me to chronicle some semblance of events from this past year in blog form (a virtual time capsule, if you will). I will forego the numbered list I tend to write and instead, tilda it.

~Law school: If I can divide my life into a timeline, everything before grad school is Phase 1 and everything after is Phase 2. Who knew it could be such a life-altering experience? I am truly grateful that I've passed all that I need to pass and that I'm still here. So much of what I blog about involves my academic life so its fair to say that I'll leave any reference to it from here on for future posts. On to phase 3.

~Traveling to Boston with Friends: A mini-vacation filled with mini thrills (bike touring!) and some rich history. I hope these sorts of ventures become a tradition.

~Virginia Tech Massacre: I remember the day because it was Su's birthday. The shock of the event was almost paralyzing. That could have been my university, completely open and free and unsuspecting of the magnanimity of horror the day would encounter. Columbine, Little Rock, Virginia Tech. In cold blood.

~Working with the Federal Public Defender: My first "legal" job. My first encounter with the criminal justice system, sans that one time in traffic court...

~Getting a new bed: Blogworthy, because its been eleven flippin' years.

~Nurturing a hobby: I think photography has officially become a new hobby. It all started with the fotolog (oh how I miss thee!) and now its the kind of activity thats distractingly fun. I know I harp on you sometimes for undermining civilization, but thank you technology for YOU and your ever evolving innovations.

~A 21st century Assassination: When I was in junior high, one of my social studies projects was called "Women in History." I basically profiled major female leaders from all over the world. I was proudest of three South Asian women: Gandhi, Bandaranaike (First Woman Prime Minister in the World from Sri Lanka) and Bhutto, for the simple fact that they were brown women from supposed "third-world" countries in positions of unprecedented political power, a feat that has yet to occur in our industrialized, "progressive" nation. Though I'm not surprised by Benazir's demise, such an event bodes no good for democracy, no good for humanity anywhere.

~The War: Well, we have a couple for our generation. As 2008 approaches, we've managed to surpass the length of both World Wars, with no future end in sight. Here's where I mention my politics: the last eight years have sucked the soul of America. Good riddance you clown.

~Debates, debates, debates: Is the Presidential election over yet?

~Celebrity Delinquents: Paris, Britney, Lindsey, Paris, Britney, Lindsey, BLAHHH. And now a celebteen, preggers at 16. Celebrity pop culture has reached new lows. And so has the media.

~Philadelphia: The smallest big town I've ever lived in. Despite the sucky drivers, I appreciate that I can walk into stores there and receive a friendly greeting. I step onto the shores of NYC and a frown slowly but naturally forms on my face to accommodate the atmosphere. Home sweet home.

~Discovering new people, building new relationships: The list of roommates and former roommates grows! I'm fortunate to be surrounded by such eclectic people.

~Getting a new kitchen: I will embrace the mismatched granite tiles. I'm so happy we have ovens! Ovens without strings tied to hold them up!

~Family and Friends: Always a joy to be around. Each year passes and I learn something new about everyone I love. Sometimes, the discovery can be disheartening, which then forces one to reevaluate how they view the world and those around them. Still, I am so blessed to have incredibly warm, funny, thoughtful and prayerful individuals in my life.

~A new nephew: Reuben Philip, born December 28th @ 11:20 am. I love babies!

A post like this doesn't seem complete without a blurb on resolutions. Of course, the usual ones hover about. But there is one that captures the essence of all of them: I hope to put in 100% of energy, time and prayer into everything I do. I'm reminded of a quote from Su's blog that is the most constructive observation of life I've read:

"Settle for the shape your life takes... instead of waiting and wishing for what might make you happy."

One step forward, no steps back. Cheers to a new year!

Home Grown Hippie

I discovered Ingrid Michaelson after reading an article about her in the Times. Apparently she's also featured in Rolling Stone, her songs have been used in Old Navy commercials and a couple of them were used in Grey's Anatomy (I am told the season finale?) I started listening to her music mainly because I was attracted to the fact that:

1. She's born/raised/lives on the Island
2. and she went to SITech.

I love the song, but hate the clowns. Enjoy!

Hiatus

Phrases and words and pictures that once oozed off the tip
Of my ball-point pen
Now stilted by the heavy Socratic cloak
of perpetual Reasoning
Imagination is buried in it.

I am no logician.
Perhaps she will resurrect (again).

Random Call of the Day

I mean, it was SO random I just had to blog about it.

The son of one of our close family friends is getting married on Sunday. Growing up, almost every childhood summer involved taking a trip to Long Island to visit Uncle, Aunty and R&J. I always believed R was considerably older than the rest of us, mainly because us girls (my sisters and J) would do our own thing and R secluded himself in his room playing video games and such (I knew this because we snuck into his room once and started playing his Nintendo). So much so was the lack of communication between us (or me as I can only speak for myself) and R that in the years we've known this family, I think I've spoken to him a total of two times, and I'm pretty sure that one time it was just a hello.

Anyway.

This morning I'm checking my voicemail, and to my surprise, R left me a message ("Hi Gini, this is R...J's brother") asking me whether my family is coming to his wedding because he hadn't received an RSVP. I knew for certain, and later confirmed, that my parents replied, because they had specifically asked me whether I'd be here for the wedding and I distinctly remembering saying no.

I only wish you knew how absolutely remote and bizarre and RANDOM this was because then you'd know how I weirdly appreciated it.

Nostalgia

1. Watching this brought me back to my St. Adalbert's childhood, and learning my most favorite and treasured carols for this first time with my sisters. I had always wished our Church could pull off a Christmas pageant like the one featured in this little gem.

2. PB&J sandwiches remind me of our old home on Willow Road East. They remind me of the days where we'd lounge in our basement, watching Matlock, Barney (you know...just for Tilly) and soap operas after school with Mommy. A bizarre combination of television programming, I know, but what can I say, we were precocious little children =P

3. Listening to Malayalam music reminds me of ganamelas ("concerts") and our intercom system in our WillowRd home. I don't remember how long that speaker system lasted, but I was amazed at how we could have music blaring throughout the house, as though we were at a shopping mall or music studio.

4. Mung beans and rice trigger the long Lenten days leading up to Easter. There's a strange solemnity that takes over when I eat kanji ("rice soup").

5. "Old" Hindi film songs playing on my Ipod remind me of my junior high introduction to the world of Bollywood and my [probably forever, but considerably-waned] wannabe obsession with Madhuri Dixit.

6. Taking the shuttle bus takes me back to h.s. days, traveling with my dearest friends in the wee hours of the morning and in the late afternoons on the s57. I miss the North Shore of the Island, but I am slowly beginning to appreciate the quiet serenity of the South.

Another One Bites the Dust

A law school buddy of mine is getting hitched.

I'm startled at how many of my peers are getting engaged or married. Three of my friends are now in the midst of wedding prep for the after law school ceremonies and my closest friend here is patiently waiting for a proposal.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby - in the arms of "Kat," a classmate of mine, who waltzed in to class today with her daughter Charlotte. The baby was so adorable but I wanted to advise "Kat" to stop passing the child around to every person in the room. I don't even consider myself a super germophobe, but with babies, such behavior seems ill-advised. Anyway, the little bubby was so adorable and peacefully asleep. Children are the most amazing, miraculous creatures!

Sigh. I don't know if I am the marrying kind, but It would be so nice to meet "the soulmate" right about now.

An Early Merry, MERRY, Christmas!

We send you and your's happy jigging! ENJOY!

The O Carols

My roommate (hereafter, Em) is in the midst of preparing for her upcoming concerts. She's been singing Greensleeves on and off these past few weeks. Needless to say, I adore the festive atmosphere of our humble abode. It diverts me from the tension of school and this city.

While listening to Em, I thought about the Christmas Carols I most enjoyed and noticed that all my favorites begin with "O":

O Come all Ye Faithful
O Holy Night
O Come O Come Emmanuel
O Little Town of Bethlehem (this isn't a favorite, I figured a 4th carol rounds off the category nicely)

There's something so peaceful about these songs. They not only capture the spirit of the season and why we celebrate Christmas but they also embody a powerful yet simple proclamation of faith that ought to be sung year round. I'm not going to lie, I've gotten teary-eyed when hearing O Holy Night and O Come Emmanuel. Isn't it amazing how music can heighten every emotion?

Time to return to the books. O bugger.

My Favorite Things

Yesterday the big O had her notoriously frenetic "Favorite Things" episode. Women were wailing, there was dancing in the streets, old ladies were doing cartwheels - it was total chaos. I felt like slapping everyone silly.

Fortunately, I wasn't so absorbed by the madness that I veered away from exactly what O was recommending for the holidays. One of the things she suggested put me off: UGG boots. Isn't that just a clever euphemism for an Ugly Boot? I will never understand why people would spend money (in this case over a $100) for ugly boots. Those must be some COMFORTABLE shoes.

O's big prize giveaway was an LG refrigerator with a built-in HD television and other gadgets like a stored database of over 100 recipes. I thought that was pretty cool, except I couldn't help thinking that the food could get spoiled or someone could get electrocuted if any beverage spilled on the panel.

So what are my favorite things? Being with friends and family! This past weekend was most excellent because I got to share it with my wonderful friends. I also realized that I need to practice my poker skills, my skills being none at this point. Monday was awesome as well, as Nan, Su and I spent time with Ms. U at her lovely Queens residence. I like Queens. I understand why its considered one of the most diverse places in America, I recognized that when I first set foot into Elmhurst. Sigh...if only we could say the same about Shaolin.

Tonight T and I are going to do our annual viewing of the Muppet Christmas Carol. If you haven't watched it, you're missing out. Its seriously one of the best adaptations of Dickens I've seen. Speaking of which, I think I may be on a Dickens wave right now. I just finished watching the BBC miniseries "Bleak House" and let me tell you, it is VERY, VERY good. You should check that out, too. I think O should add a Netflix subscription to her favorite things list because that is certainly something I'd love this Christmas!

The Mac is Back

So my computer has been restored!

After a nightmarish week that included my hard drive dying, I'm off to celebrate the start of the holidays.

Tonight's mission: Enjoying Jen's pre-T day party!!

Pause

Why am I here again?

Beautiful Lyrics from a Fugee

"Turn Your Lights Down Low"..

Loving you is a like a song I replay
Every three minutes and thirty seconds of every day
And every chorus was written for us to recite
Every beautiful melody of devotion every night
It's potion like this ocean that might carry me
In a wave of emotion to ask you to marry me
And every word, every second, and every third
Expresses the happiness more clearly than ever heard
And when I play them, every chord is a poem
Telling the Lord how grateful I am cause I know him
The harmonies possess a sensation similar to your caress
If you asking then I'm telling you it's yes
Stand in love, take my hand in love, God bless...

~L.Boogie

The Morning Traffic Report

Its amazing how a few hip-hop beats can transform a generic radio traffic report into a jamming newsbeat. The station that our shuttle driver listens to always plays funky old-school. It makes a lazy early morning ride to school a little more worthwhile.

Anyhoo.

Its crunch time here in Philly. Basketball season has started, Eagles fans (or should I say VULTURES) are already gearing up for the NFL playoffs, and my law school finals are so close that I'm dreaming about scantrons and number two pencils. Weird thing is, we don't even use them for exams.

The quarter has flown by. In Criminal Procedure today, we were going over material that seems so fresh in my mind yet so overwhelming. Studying three Constitutional amendments in the course of nine weeks doesn't sound like much but my goodness is it heavy! Learning about our "rights" has been fun but so confusing! I walked into class believing I understood how the rules worked and walked out with an almost totally different analytical approach to the fourth amendment. Thank goodness we don't have to learn this stuff on our own...which brings me to this question...

When will I GET IT? I fear being the perpetual newbie - always learning, never instructing. I don't mind learning, I'm just frustrated with not absorbing information and nuances of legal rules fast enough. I remember feeling so mature (intellectually and emotionally) when I was younger - it was like I was five steps ahead of others my age. Now I am the small fish in the big pond and its a bugger. The passage of a year of this MADNESS has surely made me grow to new depths and heights, yet that nagging sensation of anxiety coupled with a wavering self-confidence never goes away. A failure-cloud looms over my head and I wish I could just blow it off like a bubble.

Sigh.

Tamil Boy [ Crank Dat Soulja Boy Remix ]

So Soulja Boy has taken YouTube and teenagers by storm. His single has spurred bored people everywhere to set it to video clips from Barney to this little sequence from a Tamil movie. I think its uncanny how the lyrics and the dance moves actually harmonize with each other. Enjoy!

The Times...they are a'changin'

America has its first, Indian-American governor, Bobby Jindal from Louisiana of all places.

Although I disagree with his politics, I do have a strange sense of pride in his victory. Its not the first time a brown person has been elected to public office, but its surely the most powerful office (thus far) a brown person has been elected to. Its nice to see a face, a color, you can identify with sitting in a position like the one he holds now. If anything, its an encouraging testament to minorities who think that though America is a part of us, we are not a part of it.

I've always thought about what it would be like to run for public office, probably since I was twelve. Of course, running isn't an impossibility anymore, its winning that remains a fantasy. Even though I've abandoned my interest in entering politics for alternate reasons, I think his winning in what one could consider the "deep south" is an amazing signal to people everywhere to not use your background or ethnicity as a crutch in pursuing your goals. If LA can be swayed, there's hope for America. There's hope for us, too.

Astrologically Inclined

So some of you may be aware of my recent fascination with all things "zodiacal." I think I've gone through phone conversations with at least four people describing what their astrological sign tells them about their life, personality and compatibility with others. That last part is especially of interest to me, because I feel like everyone around me is either in a relationship, married or pregnant. The trendiness of it irks me, but I won't lie - it would be nice to find a soul-mate! So here I am going the Ms. Cleo route for curiosity...

Apparently, according to "many" astrological sources that I've unearthed (via Google so there's your accuracy meter) I am compatible mostly with the Aries/Sagittarius bunch. Wikipedia further broke it down in this [mostly] confusing layout:

Leo's Compatibility- Aries, Sagittarius

Possible Compatibility- Libra, Gemini, Leo

Incompatibility- Capricorn, Virgo, Cancer, Pisces

Squared Compatibility- Taurus, Scorpio

Opposite Compatibility- Aquarius

What the heck is a "squared" compatibility? Anyhoo, I keep thinking about people I know born in each of these signs and how well I get along with them. It seems that compatibility was determined by similarity in personality. I thought opposites were supposed to attract!

It would be silly to change one's attitude towards other based on the knowledge of what their zodiac sign forecasts for them. But knowing my psychoanalytical self, I'll probably do just that. After all, a Leo loves speculative adventures.

Stream of Consciousness

So I finally finished reading that book you see on my Shelfari, "Only Love is Real." (Thanks Su for the read! We'll swap when we see each other). It was pretty good, but kind of predictable in a novelesque sort of way, despite it being non-fiction. The book was basically an exploration in seeking our "past lives" in order to heal present wounds. For example, the patients in this book that the psychiatrist chronicles come into his office with particularly traumatic experiences and he helps them visualize who they were before they were their present self. I don't know if I totally believe in reincarnation, but I've thought about it many times, especially in light of learning about Hinduism and watching all those episodes of Mahabharat and Ramayan on tape. I wonder where my soul was before I was born; I wonder if my present self is either a punishment or a reward (depending on how I feel) for who I was before.

The book helped make a long bus ride back home go much faster. This bus was particularly intolerable, however. There were so many fruit flies in there! It was really repulsive, most everyone on the bus had to endure 2 hours of swatting these little pests. All I kept thinking was "Health Hazard!" Fortunately, the last half hour was more bearable because the bus got so cold that the flies probably dispersed to some icky crevice to nest until it got warmer. Ugh.

Weekends go by so fast. This Saturday we went to my cousin Jagan's house for his 12th birthday. I can't believe he's twelve! I remember getting so excited when he was born because he was our first male first cousin. Anyhoo, the party was ok although very crowded and not as fun simply because everyone couldn't really talk to each other properly. We did get to play on Jag's Nintendo Wii and all I have to say is I WANT ONE. NOW. Interactive play is my kind of video-gaming.

I miss being a kid, mostly because you would have hours to do absolutely nothing and just bond with your siblings. I miss my sisters. I haven't seen Nche in over two months. Is adulthood really this empty? I often think about a book Ms. Schwartz, one of my high-school teachers, used to pimp in a class which name is lost to me. The book was called "Who Moved my Cheese?" and I thought she was so annoying for constantly drilling the concept of how growing up means adjusting to new ties, new people, new places, new thoughts. As quickly as I dismissed it then, the lessons from that book haunt me now. I guess I am that little mouse who is reluctant to progress, an old soul in a confusing new world.

God's Unchained Melody

This week was rather stressful. I was doing things I promised myself I wouldn't do, and not doing things I vowed to do. On top of it all, school has once again reared its ugly head in this horribly warm October. I couldn't even enjoy the pumpkin spice frappucino I bought for a Friday treat.

It seems that bigger frustrations channel themselves into multiple little ones to the point where ordinary or mundane tasks become impossible to complete.

Bear with me on this trite example.

For the past two weeks, I have desperately tried to untangle two of my long necklaces so as to wear them with my daily ensembles. Mind you, I've dealt with twisted/tangled chains as many of us have, but these were unusually complicated. Time after time, I failed. I'm sure all of us have experienced this; we put in furious energy to get something done, and it always backfires. So I set the chains aside, until this afternoon where I saw the two of them, dangling in confusing knots over Rafiki (my stuffed Chimp), daring me to give another go at them.

During the time my eyes kept darting towards the chains, I was watching "28 Days", a Sandra Bullock (Cindeikou would be proud) movie I avoided for years simply because it came out when SB was "super-in" and I was loathe to seeing a movie just because some fad celebrity was in it. Needless to say, it was pretty good and she was pretty good in it. She played this alcoholic who has to complete a 28-day rehabilitation program in order to avoid jail-time for driving drunk into someone's home. Anyway, for some seemingly unconnected reason I was motivated to battle my necklaces after seeing SB kick the alcohol/drug habit.

I went at the silver one first, because that one appeared to be the easiest since it had only one knot in the middle. Of course I was wrong. Once I started tackling the little knots, more and more formed until I just started angrily fumbling with it. It was like all the feelings I had harbored over my bad week culminated in me relentlessly and impatiently bullying this silly chain. I sensed that feeling, and immediately just took a deep breath and asked God to LET THIS CHAIN UNRAVEL. And it did. The second one came apart easier than the first, despite it being the more intricate one.

Even in this small, insignificant moment, God can speak to you in amazing VOLUMES. I thought about school, life, the people in the movie with all those addictions and demons, my own and others'. Its incredible how the subtlest things in life, the stuff that goes unnoticed, can cause so much chaos. That one little knot seemed so easy to solve, and yet all it did was lead into other knots that had to be resolved. Sorting out the "knots" we confront in the present or bury from the past to reach our core may mean cutting off bad company, shedding insecurities and just plain starting over. I know this is probably not a novel or revelationary thought, but it is one that comforts me. Its just a reminder that each new day really is another chance at doing one's best to make things right.

Oye, I've written quite a bit, no? Oh le blog, you're such a [welcomed] distraction. =)

Hearsay

Such a pain in the arse.

Premature Aging

I just got back from a weekend trip in Jersey with my friend "Teddy." She and I attended the Philadelphia Bench Bar Conference at Ballys in Atlantic City. Its basically an annual get together of over 500 hundred judges and lawyers to wine, dine, schmooze and earn CLE (continuing legal education) credits. For a whopping student "discount" price, I was hoping for some more goodies (see below). Still I was satisfied with the mug, the portfolio and other random little items. The food was delicious as well.



We attended two panels, one that dealt with real estate fraud, where people buy vacant or abandoned homes, look up its title (i.e. who held the house last) and sell it to prospective buyers. The fraud in this is that they are selling "bad title," or property that isn't going to really be the prospective buyers, because the previous owner of the home cannot be identified. The sellers of these properties make money off of these unsuspecting buyers by giving them fraudulent titles. I know, enough with the property lesson, right?

The second panel was much more interesting from my end. We sat in on a mock opening argument by a lawyer, where we the audience was the jury. The demonstration was to show how video depositions (interviews with the witnesses) during opening statements can be effectively persuasive in winning your case. After the presentation, Teddy asked me whether I think I could do a better job than the guy who did the argument. That made me giggle. Because, I think either of us probably could.

Aging. There was plenty of that to be seen amongst all the attendees; I think being surrounded by these older legal professionals caused me to grey within the hour - the bathroom mirror revealed a white hair that I refused to pull out. My hair is scarce as it is. I was glad we didn't attend the night before because then we'd have to see these old men (and women) gamble and get drunk.

All in all, the conference was a good experience and I'm glad I got exposure to some of the people out there in the legal community. Although we didn't network much, we did meet a few people (including a "Varghese" and woot that was his first name!) and a judge who will be visiting our school this week.

My friend and I did have a desire to stay there longer to walk the boardwalk, play and shop and even --gasp!--see J.Lo and her blood-sucking-hubby in concert. I am not a great fan of either, but it would be interesting to see the dynamic.

To weekends!

Pro Bono, Charley Horses and Cool People

Our school has a mandatory requirement of fifty hours of pro bono service for graduation. Pro Bono is basically volunteer-work on legal issues facing mostly indigent and under-represented communities. Today I went to a panel highlighting some of the pro bono projects our school has set up. A few of my favorites include the Homeless Advocacy Project (helping homeless people with their legal issues particularly housing and welfare), Project Peace (teaching elementary school students mediation and dispute resolution) and Child Advocacy Services, where we're basically assigned to a foster child or other child whose parents are fighting for custody for him or her and we act as a pseudo-parent/legal guardian. What I like about all these projects is that they are very client-oriented. I feel like once I start doing some pro bono work, I'll hate law school less.

First my pinky toes and now charley horses. Well, I finally figured out what that term meant after having experienced a severe one yesterday. I was doing Pilates when while stretching, my calf tightened up to the point where I could feel a ball-like knot in the back of it that caused me to fall on the floor and grab my leg in excruciating pain. I've had these before, in fact I had one a few weeks ago out of nowhere in the middle of the night while sleeping. I explained this to a friend of mine and she immediately diagnosed it as a "Charley Horse"; apparently either I'm potassium deficient or dehydrated. Anyway, it is still sore. Gah the things I get myself into!

Cool People. I love being surrounded by artists, especially dancers and singers. My roommates have created an atmosphere where I can be daily reminded of the best feelings, thoughts and emotions life has to offer. I'm definitely making it a goal this year to attend a concert of some sort. Although my roommate Emily plays the occasional Mozart or Chopin when she's practicing her vocals, there are no Philly stations like in NYC that exclusively play classical music. I think the lack of it is directly correlated with my sleep deprivation; I normally can't fall asleep unless I'm listening to the classical station. Technically, I could probably just find a station on my computer, but that would mean leaving it on all night which I'm trying to avoid. Oye, I'll just have to stick to the headphones.

Legal Observing...and other observations.

I have joined the ranks of many law students and laypeople who love law-related...uh...stuff, by becoming a certified legal observer. What's legal observing you ask? Well, legal observers go to protests and observe and document whether there is abuse by authority against demonstrators. We are neutral in the sense that we are not there to protest, but merely to keep watch (and of course, take notes) of any suspicious, bizarre or prejudiced behavior towards peaceful protesters i.e. people getting arrested for being civilly disobedient or crazy swat teams coming in and macing a crowd. We're also subjective in the sense that as observers, we only show up to protests if and when invited by protesters. We're sort of their guardian angels. Angels in green hats and arm bands!

The training was sponsored by our school's National Lawyer's Guild and was pretty quick, if not a little rushed. Its so hard to hold meetings sometimes because everyone's schedules are so varied.

Tomorrow I'll be home for the weekend! I'm looking forward to seeing the family and the amigas. We still have to figure out a place to dine for Cindy&Nan's birthday dinner.

We also have fellowship tomorrow! I look forward to that. I'm not sure how to make the other girls in our group feel more enthusiastic about it. I guess these things take time? I don't know, sometimes its disheartening when you see people in your own Church turned off by things you want to start for your own young adults, but completely absorbed and attracted and COMMITTED to projects started by people from other Church communities. If only they could share that same vigor and energy for their own Church! I am all for getting involved anywhere you can, but for me at least, I feel a sense of responsibility and priority for wanting to make our Church structurally and organizationally stronger.

Can you tell I'm passionate about this? I don't want this thing to fizzle out. Its so important to develop a personal relationship with Christ first before submitting (for lack of a better word) to hierarchy to tell you how to pray. Orthodoxy is something that is rich in tradition and culture, but as wonderful as it is, it tends to de-emphasize the "personal relationship" aspect of our faith and instead hammers home our traditions, our rituals, our Church fathers etc.

Ok, time to go study some evidence. If you're reading out there, please pray for the girls in my Church, that we're steadfast with our fellowship. Gracias.

Tired, like whoa.

What. A. Day. I think I'm beginning to get an idea of what my future is going to look like. Long hours, little pay, with just a teeny weeny ounce of "fun."

Today I went to this "Women and Networking: Why Women are Leaving Firms and how to Succeed in Interviewing" event sponsored by the Phildelphia Bar. After waking up at 5:30 this morning, having a class, studying from 1-3, taking a trip to Center City for this program at 4 (via the subway which OF COURSE was stalled because of an on-the-car knife fight between two high-schoolers GAH) and now just arriving home at 8:30, all I can say is...I'm POOPED. Granted, the event was kind of cool. I got to meet some interesting female attorneys (it was a strictly women only event) but not nearly as many as one likely does at these things; its not that I'm loathe to networking, I just wasn't in the right mood today. Plus, I was so hungry, and the "reception" featured none other than wine and cheese. Can't lawyers be more creative? Sheesh.

The event featured two panels: the first was for actual attorneys sitting in to receive CLE (Continuing Legal Education) credit, and the second panel focused on interviewing skills for law students and attorneys seeking lateral employment. Nothing new or earth-shattering was brought to my attention, so suffice it to say, I was quite bored. There was one comment that threw me off by one of the panelists and that was "Try wearing skirt suits at interviews. Nix the pant suits." Excuse me? That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard at a law workshop. I'm glad the final panelist politely pointed the silliness of that statement. I'm not against wearing skirt suits but the way she came out and said it was so elitist. It seemed to suck the female-empowerment-vibe this event was probably trying to promote. Hint hint! Maybe off-color comments like that contribute to the dwindling female population in firms and in-house corporations.

I hate being socialized into a profession. This is why I can never work at a large firm. Big brains, bigger egos, little sincerity. At least that's my sense of it so far.

Kimchi and Company

My roommate, Suzie, was so sweet today; she made sure I was home for lunch and cooked us a meal. It was nice to actually eat with people I live with, at a dining table. I'm going to have to figure out how to make a curry to keep up with these girls!

As we ate, Suzie told me about why she nixed the goal of becoming a professional dancer and opted to become a teacher instead. Its one of those stories you watch in a movie - big dreams tarnished by physical injury; in this case, it was her Achilles. It was so badly injured that her emotional well-being sort of collapsed; she spoke pretty candidly about how she really believed her life wasn't worth living anymore. Although I've only known her for two months, its strange to think of this woman as anything but jovial and giddy.

I admire people who can relocate themselves from a whole other world and rebuild themselves in a new one. Surely many of our parents did it, but its kind of different when you see it happen before your eyes, when you can empathize with someone else as an adult. She feels the occasional loneliness and isolation, mostly from not knowing the language as well and being a single woman in her thirties away from her family. But when I asked her whether she wanted to go back to Korea, she said no. I reassured her things would get better; she half-heartedly believed me. I hope things do get better. I think things do get better for people with her resolve.

Exhaustion

I am so tired. So tired.

I stubbed my toe in an awkward way last week and it still hurts. Actually, I didn't stub it; I landed on it after I rolled off the bed, thinking it was my "high bed" at home-home. I hope it isn't fractured or sprained. I'll just have to wear flip-flops because the closed shoes make my toes pulsate.

In Memoriam

"While There is Time"
~Grace Easley

While there is time Lord, May I use it well
'Tis gone in a moment, One never can tell,
Which day is our last one, With so much to do
All must be in order, When summoned by You.

While there is time, Lord, And life is my own,
Let me bring gladness To someone alone.
Renew a small hope, Rekindle a dream
For shadows are never as dark as they seem

While there is time, Lord, let me not waste
The chances you give me, I cannot replace,
Lend me your wisdom, That I may learn To give of myself,
Nor ask a return.

Let me be gentle, Keep my words kind,
In spite of the worries, Crossing my mind.

And when at long last, Life's sun starts to set,
Let me have never have a cause for regret.

Notes Notes Notes

I've read about half the material for my criminal procedure class and have generated six pages of written notes. At this rate, I'm going to have to stock up on looseleaf real soon...

We finally got internet! I mean our very own! No more trying to find open networks to connect to. I was initially rebuff to getting it since I could manage with wireless from school, but figuring its only going to be about $11 for each of us per month, what the heck.

ON that note, why is it that the people who come in to install cable/wireless always look like convicted felons? The guy today --prepare for the stereotypes-- had a broken tooth, baggy jeans and tats all over but his personality was quite affable. I was getting concerned though because he kept asking me questions, like where I go to school and what I do and how long I've been living in this apartment. Suffice to say, I played it off like it was no big deal but I was getting a bit uncomfortable with all the prying. He figured out I went to law school because stupid me left a casebook on the dining table to study. Once he caught sight of it...

Friendly "ex-felon": OHH so you're one of those, eh?

Me: Heh.

FEXF: Yeah I know PLENTY of lawyers. Stay away from the drugs...

Me: *nervous laughter*

FEXF: You wouldn't believe where I've seen some of these judges and lawyers turn up. All cool in the courtroom but outside [muffled words, possibly "alleyways"] they're all different.

Me: Oh. I'm not like one of those!! (In hindsight, what kind of response was that?)

FEXF: Just stay away from the snort. Stay away.

Me: *more nervous laughter*

Well, I didn't inquire about how he knew so many lawyers. One could only imagine. He was really nice though, hooked up a router for us since my roommate and I looked completely clueless when he attempted to explain the self-installation part of that.

Speaking of clueless, when I came home this afternoon, our fridge wasn't working. After calling maintenance several times, including having to deal with a very 'tudy security guard, the repairman came. All he did was flick the switch on the circuit breaker. He gave me this look like "You couldn't figure this out on your own? Pathetic." Little does he know that I suspected it was probably a circuit breaker problem, considering the electricity everywhere else was working. I just didn't want to touch the wrong switch and blow a fuse. Sheesh!

Off to sleep. Whims and dreams await.

Overdue

I went home this weekend to pick up some things I had forgotten when I came back for school. Its nice to have a new comforter set to sleep in. I love the feeling of crispy, new sheets!

As I stall with studying for my classes, I figured I'd write a list of things that have been or are long overdue:

1. Bible Fellowship for our Youth - I'm happy to report that on Friday some of the young women of my Church congregated at Panera to have our first informal fellowship. I lead the discussion on "Spiritual Doubt" and I must say that I definitely learned something from the conversation. I admire these young girls, most of them in high school, who had such an insightful perspective on the topic. You would never know it considering our Church youth meetings tend to be one-sided lectures that barely anybody participates in. I think they were more open to talk too, because it was an all-female setting. I hope these Friday Fellowships will become a staple for our Church girls.

2. My library books - Well three of them are due on September 12, but one has been due since August 23 and for some reason and I can't part with it, despite the fact that I'll have no time to read it.

3. Bench Bar Conference - I finally registered for this thing. It'll be held in AC, NJ and will feature 500+ lawyers and judges. I hope this will help me build some networking skills. It better be worth the $130 I'm paying for it!

4. Bringing my tennis racket to PA - I've been meaning to play with a friend of mine; the courts out here are free. Since the Open will be over tomorrow, I'll be going through mild tennis withdrawal. I need to feed the addiction!

5. Having the apt feel like a semi-home - My roommate Emily brought over furniture and art to fill up the living room. Although it looks cluttered now, I like the feel of it. I can't wait until Christmas!

6. Studying - Isn't this always overdue? Oye I think procrastination is a genetic trait.

A Wrinkle In Memory

I'm a bit sad at the moment. I just read that Madeline L'Engle passed away at 88. I don't know why I'm sad, because I probably thought she had died long ago. Isn't it strange how one thinks authors have either been long gone or live forever? Maybe its just nostalgia for childhood memories. Here's the Times obituary of the author:

"Madeleine L’Engle, Children’s Writer, Is Dead"
By DOUGLAS MARTIN

Madeleine L’Engle, who in writing more than 60 books, including childhood fables, religious meditations and science fiction, weaved emotional tapestries transcending genre and generation, died Thursday in Connecticut. She was 88.

Her death, of natural causes, was announced today by her publisher, Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

Ms. L’Engle (pronounced LENG-el) was best known for her children’s classic, “A Wrinkle in Time,” which won the John Newbery Award as the best children’s book of 1963. By 2004, it had sold more than 6 million copies, was in its 67th printing and was still selling 15,000 copies a year.

Her works — poetry, plays, autobiography and books on prayer — were deeply, quixotically personal. But it was in her vivid children’s characters that readers most clearly glimpsed her passionate search for the questions that mattered most. She sometimes spoke of her writing as if she were taking dictation from her subconscious.

“Of course I’m Meg,” Ms. L’Engle said about the beloved protagonist of “A Wrinkle in Time.”

The “St. James Guide to Children’s Writers” called Ms. L’Engle “one of the truly important writers of juvenile fiction in recent decades.” Such accolades did not come from pulling punches: “Wrinkle” is one of the most banned books because of its treatment of the deity.

“It was a dark and stormy night,” it begins, repeating the line of a 19th- century novelist Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, and presaging the immortal sentence that Snoopy, the inspiration-challenged beagle of the Peanuts cartoon, would type again and again. After the opening, “Wrinkle,” quite literally, takes off. Meg Murray, with help from her psychic baby brother, uses time travel and extrasensory perception to rescue her father, a gifted scientist, from a planet controlled by the Dark Thing. She does so through the power of love.

The book used concepts that Ms. L’Engle said she had plucked from Einstein’s theory of relativity and Planck’s quantum theory, almost flaunting her frequent assertion that children’s literature is literature too difficult for adults to understand. She also characterized the book as her refutation of ideas of German theologians.

In the “Dictionary of Literary Biography,” Marygail G. Parker notes “a peculiar splendor” in Ms. L’Engle’s oeuvre, and some of that splendor is sheer literary range. “Wrinkle” is part of her series of children’s books, which includes “A Wind in the Door,” “A Swiftly Tilting Planet,” “Many Waters” and “An Acceptable Time.” The series combines elements of science fiction with insights into love and moral purpose that pervade Ms. L’Engle’s writing.

Ms. L’Engle’s other famous series of books concerned another family. The first installment, “Meet the Austins,” which appeared in 1960, portrayed an affectionate family whose members displayed enough warts to make them interesting. (Perhaps not enough for The Times Literary Supplement in London, though; it called the Austins “too good to be real.”)

By the fourth of the five Austin books, “A Ring of Endless Light,” any hint of Pollyanna was gone. Named a Newbery Honor Book in 1981, it told of a 16-year-old girl’s first experience with death. Telepathic communication with dolphins eventually helps the girl, Vicky, achieve a new understanding of things.

“The cosmic battle between light and darkness, good and evil, love and indifference, personified in the mythic fantasies of the ‘Wrinkle in Time’ series, here is waged compellingly in its rightful place: within ourselves,” Carol Van Strum wrote in The Washington Post in 1980.

Madeleine L’Engle Camp was born in Manhattan on the snowy night of Nov. 29, 1918. The only child of Madeleine Hall Barnett and Charles Wadsworth Camp, she was named for her great-grandmother, who was also named Madeleine L’Engle.

Young Madeleine’s mother came from Jacksonville, Fla., society and was a fine pianist; her father was a World War I veteran who worked as a foreign correspondent and later as drama and music critic for The New York Sun. He also knocked out potboiler novels.

The family lived on the Upper East Side of Manhattan; her parents had artistic friends, Madeleine an English nanny. She felt unpopular at school. She recalled that an elementary school teacher – Miss Pepper or Miss Salt, she couldn’t remember which — treated her as if she were stupid.

She had written her first story at 5 and retreated into writing. When she won a poetry contest in the fifth grade, her teacher accused her of plagiarizing. Her mother intervened to prove her innocence, lugging a stack of her stories from home.

When she was 12, she was sent to a boarding school in Switzerland, Chatelard, and at 15 to Ashley Hall, a boarding school in Charleston, S.C. She graduated from Smith College with honors in English. (She took no science, often a surprise to readers impressed with her science fiction.)

Returning to New York, Ms. L’Engle began to get small acting parts. She wrote her first novel, “The Small Rain,” in 1945 and had several plays she wrote produced.

She met the actor Hugh Franklin when both were appearing in a production of Chekhov’s “The Cherry Orchard.” They married in 1946, and their daughter Josephine was born the next year. In 1951, when Ms. L’Engle became pregnant again, they moved to the small town of Goshen, Conn., where they bought and ran a general store. Their son, Bion, was born in 1952, and in 1956 they adopted another daughter, Maria.

Mr. Franklin died in 1986 and Bion in 1999. Ms. L’Engle is survived by her daughters, Josephine F. Jones and Maria Rooney; five grandchildren; and five great-grandchildren.

Ms. L’Engle’s writing career was going so badly in her 30s that she claimed she almost quit writing at 40. But then “Meet the Austins” was published in 1960, and she was already deeply into “Wrinkle.” The inspiration came to her during a 10-week family camping trip.

That was just the start. She once described herself as a French peasant cook who drops a carrot in one pot, a piece of potato in another and an onion and a piece of meat in another.

“At dinnertime, you look and see which pot smells best and pull it forward,” she was quoted as saying in a 2001 book, “Madeleine L’Engle (Herself): Reflections on a Writing Life,” compiled by Carole F. Chase.

“The same is true with writing,” she continued. “There are several pots on my backburners.”

Her deeper thoughts on writing were deliciously mysterious. She believed that experience and knowledge are subservient to the subconscious and perhaps larger, spiritual influences.

“I think that fantasy must possess the author and simply use him,” she said in an interview with Horn Book magazine in 1983. “I know that is true of ‘A Wrinkle in Time.’ I cannot possibly tell you how I came to write it. It was simply a book I had to write. I had no choice.

“It was only after it was written that I realized what some of it meant.”

What turned out to be her masterpiece was rejected by 26 publishers. Editors at Farrar, Straus and Giroux loved it enough to publish it, but told her that she should not be disappointed if it failed.

The family moved back to New York, where Hugh Franklin won fame as Dr. Charles Tyler on the popular soap opera “All My Children.” For more than three decades, starting in 1966, Ms. L’Engle served as librarian and writer-in-residence at the Cathedral Church of St. John the Divine. One or two of her dogs often accompanied her to the cathedral library.

Much of her later work was autobiographical, although sometimes a bit idealized; she often said that her real truths were in her fiction. Indeed, she discussed her made-up stories the way a newspaper reporter might discuss his latest article about a crime.

When her son, then 10, protested the death of Joshua in “The Arms of the Starfish” (1965), she insisted that she could not change the tale, which was still unpublished at the time.

“I didn’t want Joshua to die, either,” Ms. L’Engle said in 1987 in a speech accepting the Margaret Edwards Award from the American Library Association for lifetime achievement in writing young adult literature, one of scores of awards she received.

“But that’s what happened. If I tried to change it, I’d be deviating from the truth of the story.”

Her characters continued living their lives even if she hadn’t mentioned them for decades. She had gotten word that Polly O’Keefe, who appeared in three books of the “Time Fantasy” series, was in medical school, she said a few months before the library speech.

A woman wrote her to say that she herself was a first-year medical student at Yale and that she would love to have Polly in her class. Ms. L’Engle said fine, and the student went to the registrar’s office to sign up Polly as an “official” Yale medical student.

“Why does anybody tell a story?” Ms. L’Engle once asked, even though she knew the answer.

“It does indeed have something to do with faith,” she said, “faith that the universe has meaning, that our little human lives are not irrelevant, that what we choose or say or do matters, matters cosmically.”

Workhorse Week

"The first year, they scare you to death.
Second year, they WORK you to death.
Third year, they bore you to death." ~The Law School Chronicles

Yesterday was miserable. I had this throbbing headache all day from not eating and sleeping properly the night before. Burrow (Barry Furrow, Health Law Prof) assigned us 100 pages to read in one night. On top of that, I had a chunky Criminal Procedure assignment. My professor for that class is pretty quirky (in a good way). He sounds like a cross between the the Wilson brothers (Luke & Owen) and Jack Nicholson, if you can imagine that.

Health Law is turning out to be quite interesting. I keep thinking about my sister whenever we do these assignments. I remember her telling me how medical students/nurses are socialized into the profession by being humiliated on the spot by senior physicians if they were off about something. The article I was reading proposed that medical errors in hospitals could be reduced if the medical culture itself changed; that is, instead of blaming and embarrassing individual physicians for errors, hospitals should target the underlying causes. Those causes I have yet to learn. One would think though if hospitals reduced the hours for their residents and interns so they could stay healthy and ready for their patients, the output would be more productive and result in fewer lawsuits.

I have a bit more time today to linger around and NAP. I'm amazed I only needed a half-hour to feel refreshed. Anyway, back to work for me...Evidence awaits!

Lifehouse's Everything Skit

I thought this sketch was quite profound, so I thought I'd share it.

A 2L Induction

I cannot believe I am in my second year of law school. As much as I dreaded coming here again, it was sort of nice to be done with the agony of the first year and feel a sense of entitlement as a second year. It was strange seeing students in the hallway that I didn't know; last year our inaugural class was the only class that roamed the halls. Now we've got to share the territory!

I felt conflicted about the first year students' presence; I simultaneously felt like warning them about what they were getting into and (perhaps advise them to run the other way) while on the other hand, secretly and snarkily giggle to myself about how big egos would soon topple.

The sad thing is, not once did I think about the third option: You'll go through difficulties but stick it out! After all, that's what I did; that's what millions of people through the ages have done. I hope never to think the opposite again. I hope never to forget why I came here in the first place, because that reminder is the only thing that keeps me here.

Floating words

Have you ever woken up with so much on your mind and yet no comprehensible way to say it all? Today was one of those mornings.

I've got a fever...for tennis!

I recently discovered that one of the many random cable channels we have is the Tennis Channel (455) and I'm loving it. They've been showing repeats of the 2007 Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony with Pete Sampras and other great players. I knew he was a sensitive guy, but sheesh the man needed to get a grip...he was crying buckets five seconds into his speech! Normally, I get misty-eyed when seeing others cry, but Pete's was overly weepy to the point of embarassing..still love him!

I remember wanting to emulate Pete and Steffi Graf. They were such classy and quietly confident players. When Tilly and I were younger and in our badminton phase, we'd pretend we were playing tennis and I'd always make her the second-ranked player and she would oblige without question. So in our games I was Steffi and she was Martina. This sort of behavior spilled into other pretend games (to the misfortune of Tilly. In retrospect, I was quite mean wasn't I?). For example, if we were playing "Power Rangers" I would be the Yellow ranger (Trini) who was superior in skill and mind while I would relegate Til to the ditzy, kumbaya-loving Pink Ranger (Kimberly). If we were pretending to be lifeguards on "Baywatch" I would be the swifter Stephanie while she would be the novice Summer. Yes, we played "Baywatch." Many a summer day was spent leaping from our couches (the lifeguard towers) to the floor (the beach/water).

The U.S. Open starts tomorrow and I'm looking forward to watching. I imagine if we revisited our childhood today, I would be Federer and you would be...Nadal? ;)

Boiling Points

At the moment, I'm asking myself the same question Su pondered in one of her posts: Why is that the people you love hurt you the most?

I've often regretted my decision to go to grad school without getting in a solid few years of working in the "real world." It wasn't something I wanted to pursue as a resume builder but it was the desire to experience independence - particularly economically. I hate that I must feel constantly dependent on others, burdening them while feeling guilty when they remind me of that dependence. This past year has made me crave freedom in a way I've never felt. Sometimes that craving drives me mad and makes me act stupidly, brazenly and immaturely. Yesterday was an example of me reaching such a boiling point; I'll spare the details since I don't have the energy to expound on it. Even my original feelings and thoughts about marriage have changed. I once viewed it as this stage that strips you of your identity. Considering my status now, though, it appears to be more liberating than suffocating. Of course that's all conditional on the person and the circumstances.

After 23 years of living, this is not where I envisioned my life. I imagine most people feel the same but in your own little world it still feels like you're the lonely peg trying to figure things out and when you think you've reached a breakthrough, something comes along to snatch it away; whether it be your own pride or someone else's insecurity.

Insecurities. I'm tired of feeling them and I'm tired of others projecting them. Most of my life has been lived timidly and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being stifled. I'm tired of my foxhole. I'm tired and saddened by people you love trusting strangers rather than you. I'm tired of having to scratch at every wall to be heard. I'm tired of feeling apprehensive. I'm tired of lacking confidence and harboring a low self-esteem. I'm tired of walking on eggshells. I'm tired of my temper. I'm tired of being burned and burning others. I'm tired of miscommunication and false dignity. I'm tired of repetition. Its 2am and I'm still tired, but not sleepy.

I often wonder where I would be had I led my life differently, had I led a double life like so many others I know - keeping secrets from their parents, doing God knows what, where and with whom, being superficial. Yet having not done those things, I am *illogically* the one to mistrust. Somehow I believe that had I engaged in those things, the me that would have been shaped by it all would be more accepted by family, by society. The ends would have justified the means.

I apologize for all this incoherent rambling. I couldn't sleep out of a smoldering rage so I figured venting via writing would help. I guess it has. Maybe. But this kind of stuff doesn't go away, does it?

Picnic Camp Part Deux

The Before. A deflated tent:


Inside the tent without sleeping bags *yet*:


Roasting the marshmallows:


Shmooores!!!


She once was lost, but was eventually found! And moi (looking sleepy):


More to come!

Picnic Camp २००७!

Pics from Governor's Island. More to come!

Our arrival:


Tire horses and abandoned homes:



Our picnic spread. It was full of international cuisine...tofu rice balls to good ol' Apple Pie!



Su's beautiful, colorful kite! We'll fly it longer one day.


The picnic participants (sans Colleenus)

Happy Independence Day, India!

Jana Gana Mana Adhinayaka Jaya He
Bharat Bhagya Vidhata
Punjab Sindh Gujarat Maratha
Dravida Utkala Banga
Vindhya Himachal Yamuna Ganga
Ucchala Jaladhi Taranga
Tubh Shubha Name Jage
Tubh Shubha Ashisha Mange
Gahe Tubh Jaya Gata
Jan Gan Mangaldayak Jay He
Bharat Bhagya Vidhata
Jaye He ! Jaye He ! Jaye He !
Jaye,Jaye,Jaye,Jaye He.

Blissfully Bored

When I was younger, I used to crave for days off from school just to sleep in and not think. Its strange but these days I'm slowly beginning to feel the opposite. I'm kind of happy that I'm the type of person who isn't satisfied in staying stagnant, but by no means does that mean I'm a busybody. Normally, having a vacation from school just for a month would have elicited groans and grumpiness. Although I'm not looking forward to 2L, I do look forward to finally working and earning a living. Money truly is a portal to independence!

I think I inherited my dad's restlesness in not wanting to stay at home when I get a day off. These days though, he's slowed down considerably which is kind of sad. Growing up, I wished my parents had let us kids experience the outdoors more and allowed us to get involved with extracurricular activities. Sometimes they regret it too! Oh well.

Boredom tickles my imagination. Last night I dreamed that I enrolled at Hogwarts and met Harry Potter. I hate it when I can't remember the rest of my dreams.

Tilly and I act quite silly when we are alone. For example, we've been feeding our tennis addiction by watching all the major tournaments on ESPN. Yesterday we were watching the Rogers Classic in Montreal, rooting for Federer and Djokovic. We started imitating how the players reacted when winning a point and ultimately claiming victory. We even did it in slow motion.

I'm glad that we can retain our childhood goofiness. Yesterday's episode reminded me of another theatrical exhibition we put on in 1996 during the Atlanta Olympics. That was the year of Kerri Strugg and the Women's Gymnastics "Dream Team." Because we are big gymnastics fans, and because that year in general was particularly extraordinary, we decided to stage our own version of the "Dream Team." We'd run across our living room floor, leap onto the sofa, perform some sort of retarded twirl, land on our feet (perfectly together) and raise our hands in the signature gymnast's pose with a wide grin and assign ourselves scores. Our competitiveness soon went haywire as we started using the sofa (and other furniture) more aggressively such that on the last magical night of the Olympics, one of us pretended the couch was a pommel horse to the degree that the springs gave way and a giant vacant hole was left underneath the cushion. Panicked, we attempted to fix the problem by placing a wooden board on top of the hole so that anyone who sat there wouldn't sink into the couch. Because that wasn't enough, for a month we managed to prevent our parents from sitting on that sectional. Eventually of course, my dad found out and reprimanded us, Nidhiche found it amusing (and was glad that she wouldn't get in trouble for our follies for once), and my mom got a freebee to tease us.

So here we are, full-circle. Another summer, eleven years later, and we can still manage to make endearing fools of ourselves in front of our parents. To memories!

Sonnet 23

As an unperfect actor on the stage
Who with his fear is put besides his part,
Or some fierce thing replete with too much rage,
Whose strength's abundance weakens his own heart.
So I, for fear of trust, forget to say
The perfect ceremony of love's rite,
And in mine own love's strength seem to decay,
O'ercharged with burden of mine own love's might.
O, let my books be then the eloquence
And dumb presagers of my speaking breast,
Who plead for love and look for recompense
More than that tongue that more hath more express'd.
O, learn to read what silent love hath writ:
To hear with eyes belongs to love's fine wit.

Grieg, Dvorak and Mozart!

Those are just some of the composers that I got to listen to when I visited the mall the other day. The Adelphia Arts Academy here in Philly hosts a summer music program for inner-city intermediate and high school students. Here they are on the right. I tried to be discrete when I took the picture from my camera phone.

These kids were superb!! Watching them made me long for playing the violin again. It also made me sad about the state of education in NYC. Cutting arts and music budgets does such a disservice to schools. I know I greatly benefited from being in a band/ chorus. Its just a natural way to gain mental skills and develop camraderies and learn how to work as a team. Plus it keeps kids driven, focused and out of trouble - especially for these kids who don't particularly grow up in the most comfortable neighborhoods. I'm glad I went on a random shopping excursion that day. I truly witnessed something wonderful.

Drama Drama Drama

In a year, I vow to live alone.

Ishh.

Topsy-Turvy

Sometimes I don't believe what the world is coming to. I have to concur with Su that reality-tv just warps our perspective on life and turns us into immature, imbecilic creatures that depend on mindless television to motivate us into action. Sometimes I'm embarassed by the way I can get caught up with it too - yesterday I sat for almost an hour watching "Scott Baio is 45 and Single." I'm certain that many of my brain cells strolled to their coffins.

It was quite scary to watch footage of that pipe explosion in the city the other day. It was so eerily reminiscent of 9/11 that I had to change the channel.

Yesterday I was fortunate to reunite with my friend from college, Laura, who is starting her final year at Villanova Law. Laura and I and my former roommate Erika, whom I met Laura through, had a slight obsession with Law and Order:SVU. Many Tuesday nights were devoted to our "Chung Fiestas"; the "Chung" refers to the clanking of the jail cells heard throughout each episode. Actually, its "chung chung" because its really a double-clank. [The nerd I am, I know I know.] ANYWAY, it was so good to catch up with her on life and how its changed since law school. We had dinner at this place called "Tria." Its sort of like a Panera: famous for its breads as well as its cheeses. It was quite delicious.

Before coming to law school, I was pretty set on what fields I was disinterested in, one of which was family law. Having taken a class in Family Law however has changed my mind. Its been really fascinating to learn about all the different tensions that arise between judges and families and husbands and wives and parents and children and all the constitutional issues that erupt from those tensions. I thought it would be too raw and emotional to handle; it is, but somehow I don't think (as I had thought before) it would be impossible for me to separate myself from those emotional disputes. I think the class has also allowed me to think about Alternate Dispute Resolution, or mediation as an alternative to traditional lawyering. If only people would communicate better - baby steps! - so many issues could be resolved and stay out of the hands of a "neutral" judge that has no clue about one's life except what her lawyer's put to paper.

I'm so looking to be put this first year to rest. 1L begone! August couldn't come soon enough.

Happy Thoughts

This whirlwind year keeps on whirling. I finally understand the saying that life's a roller-coaster because I've experienced it within the span of a year.

I came home this weekend and my gracious parents got me a new bed! I was so ecstatic that I moved furniture out (which probably contributed to sore arms today) and re-arranged what was left despite my exhaustion from work. My bed is so nice - I especially love the headboard, its very classic. Its been a while since I've had a bed with a box and a frame =)

Tuesday I have to make a presentation for my family law class - We are doing a mock child custody trial and true to her pop-culture loving ways, my professor assigned us the case of Britney and Kevin. Yes, they are so infamous that dropping one name suffices for association. I'm representing FedEx. I hope I know what I'm doing.

Today was our Church picnic but I didn't go. I figured I should start working on this presentation and I've gotten so dark that its beginning to look medically unnatural. I love the sun but I'm just going to have to enjoy it from indoors for now.

Ye Olde City and Movie Marathon

Susiek came to visit me this weekend! I finally visited Old City and we both were amazed at how foodie friendly the area was. I never thought I'd see two Afghani restaurants on one block! I'm sure she'll detail our excursion on her blog.

I'm glad we could sit and vegitate at my place. We watched 3 movies, and attempted a 4th although Su fell asleep within the first 15 minutes. Lucky that she did, because I only watched a few minutes more and was repulsed. Here's a recommendation, if you're into toilet humor, stupid plots and your favorite comedians in not so comedic movies, go ahead and rent "RV" starring Robin Williams.

I wish we could have done more outdoorsy activities! One of these days when we earn incomes...

The Parkway is a Buzz!!

One of the biggest advantages to living where I live is how anything and everything festive/touristy/attractionist is in my neighborhood. Philly's big 4th of July events are happening outside of my window as we speak and I can't wait to get up and close to all the craziness that is likely to ensue tomorrow.

I remember how much I wanted to be in NYC during the Macy's fireworks spectacular. I can finally get a taste of something similar tomorrow.

Strange Symptoms

So yesterday I was experiencing some really odd flu-like symptoms that have disappeared within 24 hours: feverish head, chills, and incredibly strenuating muscle/joint pains. Most of these have gone now, although I do still feel a bit sore. I don't know what this means but it has me slightly worried. I did take medicine so maybe that kicked in at the right moment, although I remain skeptical about how quickly this thing came and now how quickly its leaving.

Today I met with my Dean after class; she's also the professor of the Family Law class I'm taking now. I get this strange vibe from her as well as school faculty in general; like they know something about me that I don't know. In class, I feel like she goes out of her way to pick on certain students but when I raise my hand she'll try to divert her attention whereas if someone else raises their hand and puts it down, she'll revisit them regardless of whether they still had a comment or not. Maybe I'm just paranoid. The first thing she asked me when I walked into the meeting was "Are you feeling a little relieved?" It took me aback, because then I got to thinking maybe she was avoiding me out of this weird concern that perhaps I didn't want to be called on; but that would make no sense because she still cold-calls people, myself included, so why wouldn't she call on me if I had a point to make?

Anyway, after meeting with her, I am still unable to shake this feeling that my place in law school has been pre-determined. I told her how exhausted I felt from the 1st year experience and she seemed sympathetic. I don't think I'll ever feel connected to this institution as I had hoped. The same questions that haunted me first year, I'm afraid, will linger until my (hopeful) graduation. I'm ready for a vacation.

Stupid Commercials

1. Get Zwinky
2. Head-On! And its own stupid Head-On! spoof
3. That Shell/Energy commercial with Jaap Von Blahblahblah
4. That Quiznos commercial with talking rodents/dust-beasts trying to sell you sandwiches
5. The Ovaltine Commercial
6. Lamisil and its evil animated foot fungus
7. The Yoplait commercials; not the lady in the "itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow polka dot bikini" ads but the ones where you have two women eating their yogurt with a spoon and in between every bite, saying something trite like: "MMM this is like walking in a desert Oasis good" following by a "NO its like living in chocolate paradise good!" response.
8. Every Kiss begins with Kay - BARF
9. Stupid Genital Herpes commercials
10. Afflac

I just had to get them off my chest. If you think of any others, holler.

Crackers with Wheat Germ

That is what I am munching on right now. I went on a whim and purchased them from Whole Foods because I'm trying to avoid anything "white" and despite my fear that it would taste like it sounds, its actually quite delicious!

Today was kind of lonesome. I haven't had a quiet day like this in a while. One can feel so down if she is left in her own thoughts. I suppose that is why they say, an idle mind is the devil's playground. No, I didn't do anything "evil" but I sure felt unproductive. I have quite some reading to catch up on but keep putting it off. I hate boredom, but I'm unmotivated to pick up a book! Its rather pathetic.

My skin is breaking out. This year has given me the most stress in my life so I attribute the acne to that, however, I am beginning to get really frustrated that my remedies for it are not working. Proactiv worked great but now I guess I am immune to it because it has not helped at all. I'm using Cetaphil now and I don't even know if that's helped. Its weird because my zits are not technically zits; they're usually only visible if I start touching a certain area - its like they weren't there one minute and suddenly appear after a magical rub. Also, my pimples aren't normal - they're not red, they're clear or purplish. I'm beginning to think it might be something else.

Anybody have any suggestions? Other than seeing a dermatologist, which I'll eventually have to do, except the one at HIP is kind of a brat.

Why another blog?

So I've come up with a reason for creating this second blog. Its because I can only post once on the flog, and often I go through the day with thoughts that I wish to share via these virtual diaries but can't because I've already uploaded those thoughts.

Today I came back to my apartment drenched. This morning the weather looked spectacular - bright, sunny and warm - so I didn't bring my umbrella along. Unforunately, towards the end of class, we heard the rumble of thunder and then that thick patter sound of pouring rain. I waited for about a half hour before heading out, when the rain eased to a gentle drizzle. My flip flops became slippery after ten minutes of walking, so I had to walk slowly so as not to fall on my face. I got about half-way to my place when it started to rain again. Thankfully, there was an awning nearby which I took cover under. I figured I'd wait there for ten minutes because my eighth grade science teacher (the dreadful Ms. Martin) once told us that thunder storms last about that long. She was wrong. Tired of lingering under this narrow awning, I decided to just power walk, despite the fear of losing the slippers. 10 minutes later, I made it to my place, jeans heavy and hair soaked.

I just watched Wheel of Fortune and witnessed a winner! Its been so long since I've seen the show, so to see someone win $100K was pretty cool. Wheel of Fortune brings two distinct memories to mind. When my sisters and I were younger, we used to visit my uncles and aunt (who lived together until their spouses came from India a few years later) and they were obsessed with Wheel of Fortune. The second memory is that of my sixth grade language arts teacher, Mrs. Mercer, who was once a contestant on the show. Every Friday we would play Hangman (which I guess is a form of the game) and win prizes. Those were some wonderful times.

Life's Calling

Waiting to pick up.

Digging for Change

I'm talking about dollars and cents kind of change. Back in the day, i.e. before my current student status, I used to pocket a lot of change. Quarters and dimes were my bffs, so much so that I probably gave off a "surplus coin" vibe that prompted a friend of mine to purchase an engraved piggy bank for a birthday years ago.

These days, I am overwrung with pennies without another coin in sight. So over the weekend I raided my che's room and grabbed as many quarters as I could. I was feening for twenty-five cents in single, solid [multiple] forms.

I feel like I'm putting in so much effort to my studies (to my life) and getting pennies in return. All I give out is pennies. A homeless woman begged for money months ago outside Mad Mex by Penn and I dug into my pocket and gave her a fistful of change. Unbeknowest to me, it was all pennies. As I walked away I heard a clanging on the ground and realized that she threw that change back at me. A HOMELESS WOMAN THREW MONEY BACK AT ME.

I would continue in describing how I see this as one extended metaphor that has a rainbow in sight. But I cannot. I'll leave it at this. Every smack on the face should be seen as a blessing. Pennies from heaven...

Hum-Drum

I shouldn't be creating another venue to pontificate when the flog does the job quite well. I'm also supposed to be absorbed in my books right now. Finals are literally a week away.

Must hustle, must hustle.

I was going to call this blog "glass half-full" to try and reflect on whatever little optimism the events in my life have brought of recent. I have much to be thankful for. Reading blogs and people's stories about their struggles and triumphs (in the very general sense) kind of inspired me to take up on that mantra I was going to use in titling this diary. But I couldn't help thinking about the cliche of how life is full of paradoxes, full of illogical conclusions, full of catch-22s. And I LIKE it that way. I never knew how much I despised logic until I came to a world that thrives on it...