Being able to help someone achieve a certain goal is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. I've been tutoring my roommate in English and seeing her improve today made me so proud. Her appreciation for the mere one hour I spent with her was even more awesome. I wish I could dwell forever in moments and situations where I can feel valued and needed.
After our session today I got to thinking about that omnipresent question: what is my purpose on earth? What am I supposed to do with this degree I'm working for? Why do I feel like I'm not doing the right thing? What if my instincts aren't really my instincts, but cold feet? Why do I overcomplicate things, or perhaps worse, oversimplify them? Why is everything I want so expensive? If at this very instance, life were a blank slate, would I do things any differently, knowing how I had done them before?
This frustration with myself is beginning to reach a tipping point. I don't understand the simultaneous apathy and anger that I'm harboring but I know that I need to shake things up before I feel worse.
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haha you remember that book? You've got an amazing memory. It's the book I'm reading with my kids this month. Gin, let's do something to make a difference...I don't know how or when, but I think we can help end this bitter cycle.
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