Gossip

An interesting passage from the play "Doubt: A Parable" by John Patrick Shanley. The character who recites it is a Catholic Priest who is suspected by a head Nun of committing lewd acts towards a child. At the end of the play, the audience is left to figure out whether we believe him or the Nun. The following is his sermon. I thought the metaphor he used captured how uncontrollable and destructive rumors can be.
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A woman was gossiping with a friend about a man she hardly knew - I know none of you have ever done this - that night she had a dream. A great hand appeared over her and pointed down at her. She was immediately seized with an overwhelming sense of guilt. The next day she went to confession. She got the old parish priest, Father O’Rourke, and she told him the whole thing.

‘Is gossiping a sin?’ she asked the old man. ‘Was that the hand of God Almighty pointing a finger at me? Should I be asking your absolution? Father, tell me, have I done something wrong?’

(Irish Brogue)
‘Yes!’ Father O’Rourke answered her. ‘Yes, you ignorant, badly broughtup female! You have borne false witness against your neighbor, you have played fast and loose with his reputation, and you should be heartily ashamed!’

So the woman said she was sorry and asked for forgiveness.

‘Not so fast!’ says O’Rourke. ‘I want you to go home, take a pillow up on your roof, cut it open with a knife, and return here to me!’

So the woman went home, took a pillow off her bed, a knife from the drawer, went up the fire escape to the roof, and stabbed the pillow. Then she went back to the old parish priest as instructed.

‘Did you gut the pillow with the knife?’ he says.

‘Yes, Father.’

‘And what was the result?’

‘Feathers,’ she said.

‘Feathers?’ he repeated.

‘Feathers everywhere, Father!’

‘Now I want you to go back and gather up every last feather that flew out on the wind!’

‘Well,’ she said, ‘it can’t be done. I don’t know where they went. The wind took them all over.’

‘And that,’ said Father O’Rourke, ‘is GOSSIP!’

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Amen.

Precious

It's almost 1am on the morning of Thanksgiving 2009. I can't sleep, so I thought writing would possibly induce it.

I recently saw the movie Precious. I read the novel it was based on (Push) over a year ago and was kind of psyched to see how a filmmaker could transpose such a heavy, emotionally charged book to the silver screen. Needless to say, I was really moved and happy that the movie did the book justice.

Push deals with so much crazy. The issues it tackles range from rape to incest to obesity to mental illness to HIV, all set against the backdrop of Harlem in 1987. The film is way less graphic than the book. While the themes explored can easily be geared towards the Black American community, the story is actually quite universal. It raises a mirror that reflects so much of society's ills that are often ignored and swept under the rug -- only to occasionally appear on the evening news or Oprah. Without spoiling it for anyone, all I can say after seeing the movie is I have nothing to complain about. NOTHING. As bleak as the main character's life was, she still maintained a sense of hope. One must always remember that.

So anyway, like I said, it is Thanksgiving. Happy Turkey Day! There is much to be thankful for this year! We are hosting it at our house. Growing up, most Thanksgivings were held at our house. My enthusiasm for family gatherings has waned over the years. I'm not sure if it's me or everyone else. Of course the easy thing to say is, it's everyone else. There have been moments that have really disappointed me. Those moments continue to make me wonder whether others value relationships the same way I do. All part of growing pains, I suppose. One blogger summed it up better than I could:
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I hope my generation and the ones that follow will not lose old school morals. I hope they still hold a place today, because I know I'm trying to cling on to them. Helping your neighbor, being loyal and just thinking past yourself. It's scary when you can't trust someone you thought you knew. Pulling the wool out of your eyes and all that. I guess it's a part of growing up, but that also makes me sad. Someone told me I was 12 years old going on 45. I think there may be some truth in that even though I said "eww" when told this. Maybe I want to capture how in harmony things were when I was 12 years old. I know everything wasn't perfect back then, but it felt less scary. It's weird that I'm starting to become the narrator in the Wonder Years- the older brown girl version of Kevin Arnold.
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I'm considering privatizing this blog. If you happen to come upon it one day and realize you must request to read it, please don't hesitate to ask. I think perhaps I will need to take my writing to another level. I doubt many read this anyway.

Looks like it's done the trick. Good night~~

Lush

I've recently taken to a skin-care line called Lush. Since I've had time on my hands, I can't resist researching and watching videos on recommended products for hair and skin, seeing as both are suffering on my end. I'm happy to say that my skin has improved since the horrendous past two years. Stress kills skin!

Lush basically hand-makes all its products i.e. it follows other ever-trendy "organic" cosmetics brands. At first, the idea that it was marketed as all natural and organic put me off. I can't help but find people and companies who hawk organic products to be somewhat elitist (this is after living in a part of Philly that only had Trader Joes, Whole Foods and similar stores in its vicinity); however, I'm pleasantly surprised by how much I actually like this stuff. Because it's environmentally as well, Lush uses minimum packaging; without purchasing the shampoo bar tin, I would be walking away with a bar of shampoo wrapped in brown paper.

Anyway, the two products I've been using from Lush are Herbalism cleanser for the face and New! shampoo. The cleanser is a grainy, solid, messy lump of green that is mostly made of vinegar (so the smell is a bit funky though I don't mind, it kind of reminds me of this delicious Indian snack made of rice and coconut) and rubs on like a scrub. I know I am possibly making this sound extremely unpleasant but it actually works to exfoliate the skin and make it soft. The Lush rep that sold it to me explained that this was a good cleanser for oily skin (me) that's prone to breaking out (also me). So far, I've been using it for two and a half weeks and I haven't had any crazy issues. Wonderful, considering how sensitive and reactionary my skin.

The shampoo is in a solid bar form, that is, it looks like soap. It's mostly made of cinnamon and clove, and you basically rub or swipe it in your hair. It lathers up pretty quickly, thus you don't need to use a whole lot of product. The bar was $9. It is a bit expensive but I am told that it lasts for months, and judging by how I'm using it, I can believe that. I bought this shampoo to address my thinning hair. It is advertised in this way:

"If you're losing your mane because of hormones or age, you could go out and buy a new toupee, but first try New shampoo and see if it doesn't do the trick"

Well I've been using it for a couple of weeks now, and I do like it. I notice my hair is falling out less. I'm hoping it can stimulate some hair growth and healthy follicles. The downfall is that it dries the hair out so investing in a good conditioner might not be a bad idea. My scalp gets oily pretty quickly so I don't mind it drying out; however, I am beginning to think that even I could use a conditioner because as it dries out, it does make the hair a bit coarser.

The sales rep also sent me home with a sample of tea tree water toner. This is different from the traditional tea tree oil that you could get at bath and body or the body shop. I have to say, I wish I purchased the tea tree water because that was potentially the best out of the three Lush products I tried. It made my skin not only feel really clean but I think it actually thoroughly cleansed. It also went on gently and I didn't have any rash-type side effects like I did with tea tree oil.

I bought these Lush products from the Macys in Menlo Park Mall. They also have a couple of locations in the city.

Bottom Line: Check this place out and ask for samples. You may find your processed self craving for detox immediately.

Now What

Life up until now was driven by academia. I am no longer required to be in school, but it seems my education has just begun.

I don't know where to go from here. I had a purpose before. I thought I would have a purpose now but the ball doesn't seem to be rolling. I want a purpose.

Admittedly, I missed several opportunities. I had so much free time on my hands, in between finding a job and studying for the MPRE. Everything I wanted to do when I had no time at all didn't come to fruition. I'm still unclear and frustrated as to why I didn't act upon time. I can't figure out if it was laziness, depression, anxiety or something else, or maybe all of the above. Why is it also that none of this free time has left me feeling relaxed and well-rested? Why instead do I feel guilt?

I am not old, but I feel like I've lived a century this past year.

I'm currently suffering from the flu. Maybe being sick also makes you feel old. Something about being weak and vulnerable.

This post is getting too heavy. I will return with the fluff shortly.

Matthew 7:24-25

My daily bible verse is so appropriate for the moment I am now experiencing.

God is GREAT!