Now What

Life up until now was driven by academia. I am no longer required to be in school, but it seems my education has just begun.

I don't know where to go from here. I had a purpose before. I thought I would have a purpose now but the ball doesn't seem to be rolling. I want a purpose.

Admittedly, I missed several opportunities. I had so much free time on my hands, in between finding a job and studying for the MPRE. Everything I wanted to do when I had no time at all didn't come to fruition. I'm still unclear and frustrated as to why I didn't act upon time. I can't figure out if it was laziness, depression, anxiety or something else, or maybe all of the above. Why is it also that none of this free time has left me feeling relaxed and well-rested? Why instead do I feel guilt?

I am not old, but I feel like I've lived a century this past year.

I'm currently suffering from the flu. Maybe being sick also makes you feel old. Something about being weak and vulnerable.

This post is getting too heavy. I will return with the fluff shortly.